I really need some advice from someone unbiased to my situation. My best friend is a major
alcoholic and he’s been having lots of problems quitting. AA and a month in rehab just didn't
seem to help much. I have secretly known for a month or so that I was in love with him, but I
didn't tell him because I didn't think anything would work out.

I went to a movie party with him at a friend’s house and he had been drinking but I thought he
knew what he was doing. One thing leads to another and we did everything but have sex, I was
so thrilled to know that he cared for me as I did for him. The next morning when I called him, he
didn't seem to know what was going on, and when I explained to him what had happened, he
couldn't remember any of it.

Now I am back on ground zero, and I am afraid that I can't go back to being his best friend now
that we have become so intimate. I really think I am in love with him now and he just wants to be
friends, is it really possible that he doesn't remember ANYTHING? Please help.

Desperately depressed
 

Dear Depressed,

I can tell you are going to have a lot of problems dealing with your friend. How about problems
that could and will last as long as you know him or he kills himself with his drinking. It’s great
that you are his friend and stayed by his side. However you may have crossed the line when
you decided to take the relationship to the next level, especially when he had been drinking.
People who drink to this extreme and do not remember events are pretty far gone. When a
person drinks to excess they are not in control of their actions, thoughts or what they say.  It’s
no wonder that a month did not help much. He needs several months worth of rehab and a
lifetime of AA.

Alcoholism is a non-curable disease for life. A person who is suffering with alcoholism can be on
the wagon for years and just one taste of alcohol can wipe away years of being sober. Talk to
anyone who has a loved one in their life who is an alcoholic to tell you the woes of being
involved with a person who drinks.

I strongly suggest that you contact Al-anon, which is a support group for people who are
involved with alcoholics. They have a web site at www.al-anon.org or you can call them at
1-888-4AL-ANON. There are 28,000 groups worldwide so you are not alone with this problem.

The special night you shared, in his mind never happened. So it is best to put that away and
move on. Believe him when has says he has no memory of that night. No harm no foul.

There are many red flags that can fly in bad relationships; this is one that you may not want to
raise yourself. I would be his friend but nothing more.

Best of luck

Michael