I am in a relationship and I think I know what to do, but I am not sure how to approach it. I have been dating a person for a little over four months. I have been thinking about ending the relationship for at least two months. I have prolonged it, hoping that things would get better. If I sat down and made a list of the qualities and values and morals I am looking for in a man, he would meet 98 to 99% of those requirements. That is why I have been reluctant to break up.
He fell for me much quicker than I fell for him. Much too quick, but I did not stop him from falling. Now, he is very attached to me, but I am finding myself wanting out of the relationship.
I see several issues as problems. First, he has been very depressed lately because of his financial burden. Sometimes when he talks about it, he almost breaks down and cries. He also feels that his job is a dead-end and  he is going nowhere in his position, and furthermore, he has no way out of it. He has told me many times that he wouldn't know what to do if he didn't have me in his life.
I do care for him very much and do not want to hurt him by breaking his heart now. Another issue could be that I am scared. I think I might be scared that if I leave him, I will never find anyone with his qualities and values again. Being a gay man, it is sometimes difficult to find people that you can trust and love.  I believe I can trust him today, tomorrow, and 20 years from now. Additionally, he would do almost anything to help me or to make me happy. I think his set of values and morals is another reason I have held on for so long.

I would like advice on how to 1) determine if this is relationship can be saved, 2) if it can't, how I can convince myself that there will be someone else out there, and 3) how to break-up with him without making his depression worse...making him think there is no reason to continue fighting.

Color me Blue

Dear Blue

I can understand the feelings that you are having. Right now, you are feeling like you are being tugged in two or maybe three different directions and so you have feelings of confusion. It seems to me your friend got way too involved with you before you were ready to fully commit to him. I think that one reason for his attraction to you is that he sees you as his salvation for what is going on in his life. You are a lifeboat of sorts. He hates his job, has financial problems and the list goes on. You are a tower of strength to his weakness. Therefore, this puts a lot of undue stress on you because of the newness of your relationship of only four months.

I am thinking that your relationship can be saved if you can hang in there and help out with his problems one level at a time. You can’t fix it all or him, but you can provide a foundation for him to start rebuilding on. When we attack problems in a logical order and bit-by-bit it can become a less threatening world. You mentioned many qualities that he does have and you want. It does not matter what your sexual orientation, good people are hard to find. There is not a person on the planet that has not had stressful times in their lives at one time or another including yours truly! Lets not give up the ship and quit so soon. I think if you can take some of the pressure off you, you will become less likely to give it up. Try this first.

Best of luck

Michael