I have a question regarding my current relationship. I am a 28-year-old female who is very much in love with a 25-year-old male. He has asked me to marry him and I have said “Yes”. We have known each other for nine months and serious for seven months. We really love each other and cannot wait to get married. However, the only problem that we have is that his ex-girlfriend just had a baby. I was aware of the pregnancy when he found out. I honestly believe that she got pregnant on purpose to try to hold on to him, but it is not working. I know that he is going to be a great father to the baby and he has assured me that the only contact he will have with her is regarding the baby and I believe him.

I have told him since the very beginning that I have nothing against him for his past and the only time that I would get upset is if he did not do what he is supposed to do as far as helping with raising his son. I am also hoping that she will not use the baby to try to destroy us or that she will not keep him from his child. I have never met her in person, but I have spoken to her on the phone a couple of times. I also know that if things continue to be successful for us that somewhere down the line I will have contact with the child and I just want her to understand that one day that little boy will be my stepson and I will have respect for her and whatever her wishes are.

Do you have any suggestions that might help me cope with this situation?

Pins and needles

Dear Pins

Whenever I receive a letter that has a however or a but attached somewhere in the first paragraph I know there is going to be trouble. You don’t have a problem, you have a huge problem and its called a B-A-B-Y. I would put off all thoughts of marriage to this man for the moment.

Just take a minute and think this through, you have taken her man and now she is has been left with a child. This has nothing but trouble stamped all over it. I do not know your state location but you need to talk with a lawyer real fast. There is going to be child support ordered to be paid to the ex-girlfriend. Child support is based on the income of the father. If you are married to him, all your assets to date will be included in the computation of child support ordered.

You may think things are tranquil now but you’re not married yet. The real trouble can start at any time after you say “I do”. There is no father for this child because he left the mother and is involved with someone else. I can feel the rage already. I have a close friend who is battling a bitter ex-wife with children involved and it has almost taken its toll on her relationship. I know that you love this man, well and good. But you also need to protect yourself in the mean time. Take your time with this. Talk to a good attorney for your legal position. I would wait a minimum of 1 year before you walk down the aisle. The ex has to accept her loss, if she doesn’t do well with that you have no idea what kind of hellish fire storm you may find yourself in. This will also be a test of your intended to see what kind of father he will turn out to be. Take the position of the observer for the time being.

Take care,

Michael