Dear Michael:

I am a professional on the low aspect of the totem pole in my chosen profession and I frequently come into contact with a very successful and accomplished man through the company I work for. I am 34 and he is probably in his mid-forties.

I have been able to gather, from bits and pieces of conversations I've overheard from coworkers, that he is very married and has several children. (I already knew that he was married because he happens to wear his ring.)

Anyway, he has been showing increased awareness of me in the past several months and more than just hinting, asked some very personal questions, which could not be construed as anything else but his desire to make his interest known to me. He has been consistent AND persistent in this pursuit. Of course, he has not said anything coarse or vulgar, otherwise, I would not have reason to be writing this letter.

I have been playing the fool in countering his statements or questions with nonchalant or vague answers in return to the exasperating point that he may just decide that I am clueless. I just could not, at that time, imagine myself considering sleeping with another woman's husband.

However, I find that I am increasingly attracted to him and it perturbs me how easily that he could, in the midst of all my coworkers, show his attraction to me openly. In fact, I have caught him just staring at me on quite a few occasions, while I talked with other staff members.
Is it normal for happily married men to parade their attentions quite so openly in public, where rumors would fly?

I am very much intrigued because of the dangerous manner in which he is conducting himself...and drawn by his sudden interest in me.
He is, like I said, older and Caucasian, while on the other hand, I am of Asian influence.

Prey for the chicken hawk

Dear Prey,

This response is going to be easy, forget about it. He’s married, end of discussion. That you already instinctively knew, you want to know why you’re attracted to him and what is going on.

You asked if it was normal for a happily married man to flirt around like this. The answer is a resounding no, but how do you know he is happy. Even so, he is playing a very dangerous game of flirting, slap and tickle. In this environment of sexual harassment, this guy is loony tunes to be doing what he is doing, married or not, at the work place.

Perhaps a part of you is energized by the excitement of the attention of forbidden fruit. Or you think you might dabble with this just for the fun of it. What you don’t realize is that you are putting your job on the line as well, If this goes all the way and you both get caught up with work policy issues about interoffice romance.

You have no idea if his wife is a wild woman when it comes to her cheating lowlife husband. Women enraged with anger over another women can and does get real ugly.

The other side of this game is that he has no intentions of following through with any of this. You could say “what the heck” and go for it just to find you being charged with sexual harassment. When he claims you came after him. It happens. He might want to get rid of you and finds this way the easiest path. Bottom line is, no matter what the underlying behavior, this is a no win situation for everyone concerned. Better put your fantasy dreams in a safer place. This is too risky.

The best to you

Michael

(Visit the Stone site, www.michaelstone.net to send your letter)