Cyberspace, the Next Frontier for the Dating Game
 
 
               Forget about singles bars and
                  dating services. The newest
               place to meet a mate is online, and
               now there's a book to help you
               transform a sedate trip down the
               information superhighway into a
               romantic adventure.
               "Cyberflirt" (Plume, $12.95) offers
               tips on everything from identifying
               your flirting style to deciphering
               online acronyms. Included are lists of popular
               chat rooms and meeting sites, exotic places to go
               on virtual dates, and details about how to
               construct your personal Internet profile.
               The book was written by Susan Rabin, the
               founder-director of New York City's School of
               Flirting, who is also a therapist, author, speaker
               and workshop leader. We invited Rabin to clue us
               in on a few of her flirting secrets.
               Question: Can cyberflirting really be more fun
               than sitting at a bar having a meaningless
               conversation with a total stranger who promises
               to call but doesn't?
               Answer: The Internet is the greatest singles party
               in the world. It is international, you can meet
               people day or night, and if you don't like
               someone, you just click "next." If it's raining, your
               hair is in rollers, or you just don't feel like going
               out, you can still relate and meet people on the
               Web.
               In all of my lectures I say, "Being single is a
               numbers game." On the Internet, there are huge
               numbers of people to meet. It also opens up a
               whole new world for people who live in small
               towns.
               But most importantly, it eliminates the immediate
               physical attraction factor. And women have a
               huge advantage, because there are many more
               men on the Web than women.
               Q: If there are so many people online, how can I
               make myself attractive so that people will pay
               attention to me?
               A: Don't say you have green eyes, brown hair,
               etc. You have to key in on a special interest or
               hobby, such as your desire to travel somewhere
               specific, a special kind of wine you like or your
               enthusiasm for mountain climbing. Make the
               books and movies you like specific.
               Never be negative. No whining and complaining.
               Give compliments. The language of
               encouragement should be used on the Web.
               Make sure your handle, or your online name, is
               not too sexual or obnoxious. It should be perky.
               Q: But what if I'm shy about meeting new
               people?
               A: That's OK. The advantage to talking online is
               that you have a chance to compose your
               thoughts. It also helps you brush up on
               letter-writing skills and giving compliments.
               Q: What are the online flirting hot spots?
               A: Chat rooms, singles sites, chat rooms
               centered around hobbies or interests like cars or
               antiques, message boards and personals. The
               best thing about personals on the Web is that you
               don't pay by the line, so you can include as much
               information as you want, keeping in mind there is
               a limit to what people will read.
               Q: I met someone I want to get to know better.
               Is that possible to do online?
               A: Yes. You may want to go on what I call a
               virtual date. Meet at the Museum of Modern Art
               Web site, where you can both log on and talk
               about the exhibits, or visit a bookstore site
               together and talk about featured books.
               Q: Is there anything I shouldn't reveal about
               myself online?
               A: Your address and phone number, because it
               could be dangerous. Remember, when you are
               flirting online, don't move too fast. That's one of
               the biggest problems in this world. Everyone
               thinks there is instant intimacy. It's a pleasure to
               get to know someone, and it leads to solid
               relationships.